Forgiveness or Acceptance

I have been thinking about my fears since the last post. I'm may have a fear of being alone but the further I analyze my feels the more it seems rooted in something else. I am afraid of what I'm losing. The best friend I've ever had. She was way more than a lover. Our story is long and complicated, fucked up, really. There is so much about her I would miss. She seems so perfect to me. I not the average everyday kind of guy. I'm an atheist, I ride motorcycles and I follow obscure motorcycle racing that most Americans have never heard of. I like to say fuck a lot and drink micro brews. I know everything and it's hard to find someone that doesn't annoy the fuck out of me. She accepted all of these thing. She even enjoyed some of these things as much as I do, and the rest she'd play along like a good sport. I am afraid she would be missed for ever. I am afraid she can never be replaced. I've been thinking a lot. I think I just need to accept her. I don't want to morn. I don't want to move on. I want to stay here. I want to be here when she returns. I know she doesn't want to hurt me. I don't know what her problem is but she had just as rough a go at life as I have. If this is the way she feels she needs to be, so be it. Acceptance, it feels even better than forgiveness. Now the only thing she can do is reject me.